Saturday, May 23, 2015

Saying No

I have a hard time telling people no. I think it's a common problem for most people. We don't want to disappoint and then feel obligated to say yes to things that we maybe don't want to.

Yesterday I was invited to join a friend to go to a petting zoo with her church friends. At first I was thinking all about Mannix. I thought he'd think it was cool. So I said yes. I really didn't feel like going anywhere this weekend and after being sick for nearly a week and had a crazy previous week I just wanted to sit home. I wanted to clean the house and be lazy (are those 2 possible together?).  But then I really started thinking about Mannix. It was going to run through lunch and nap time. Many will criticize moms that stick to a strict schedule. Are there things mom's aren't attacked for as far as raising their kids? But Mannix gets routy when misses his nap time. So I decided it best between my need for laziness and my need to not deal with a hyper and cranky toddler to pull back on my offer to join. She didn't seem phased and I didn't really care lol

So I said No. I felt guilty for saying No until this afternoon. We had a nice lazy day in the house (no cleaning today). We played dinosaurs and watched Charlie Brown again. He had a nice looong nap and I had a nice looong lounge period. We made pita pizza's for dinner and now we are about enjoy them and kick back to probably more toy battles and cartoons.

Saying No pay's off in sanity and relaxation sometimes. to work on staying off Facebook..the never ending personal battle...

Monday, May 18, 2015

Some days.

So I didn't say everyday would be perfect in this journey. Sometimes life just throws you lemons and some of those times you just don't want to make anymore lemonade. 

Last week was a pretty busy week for kiddo and I. Mid week we had a nice play-date with a friend. The following day I busted butt in the kitchen and made another friend 2 home cooked freezer meals because she's been going through some rough stuff (sickness/pregnancy/etc with kids). The next day we attended a free concert event on base with bouncy castles and food. By Saturday I was couch ridden with bad body aches,stomach cramps, chills and hot flashes. The following day I felt drained but mostly better aside from stomach cramps. I figured by today i'd be peachy and could get on with life but this stomach bug has other plans. Now  I have a crazy headache, worse stomach cramps and now nausea. 

I'm doing my best with kiddo but it's rough when you feel like crap and are getting cranky. We hung out outside a chunk of the day yesterday but I think that didn't help my progress. Kiddo is getting stir crazy because I have been relying on electronics and his toys to keep him busy without my help. It's resulted in a lot of scolding needless to say. He gets easily bored and starts harassing the animals, jumping around on the stairs, demolishing the house. 

I'm having a hard time mentally building up to ask for a friends help to take kiddo off my hands fora bit. Partly because I want to act like i have it all together but partly because i'm afraid Mannix will pass on what i've got or something. 

I am also finding it hard to not complain. Via texts and messages to friends or via facebook. It's oh so easy to pick up the phone beside me when I feel like shit or am having a rough moment with kiddo and text my frustrations out to family and friends. But most of these people can't do anything because they're far away. Result? They quit responding to me and my lonesome complaining. 

Today I am frustrated, lonely, impatient, and am praying this bug is completely out the door by tomorrow and that it doesn't pass on to kiddo. 

Please send some healthy vibes my way. I'm trying to be strong but today I can officially say Deployments suck. 

Saturday, May 16, 2015


Oh life. You silly thing.

I cleared out my blog. I wiped clean the junk that i felt was on here from my roller coaster period in my life....pretty much the end of Germany to present.

I realize this year is the year of change. I'm coming to discover things about myself. Nothing that's ever easy or instant. It's perhaps an end to a shitty period in my life. I hate looking back and calling Mannix's first year or 2 crappy but in reality a scary pregnancy, a preemie birth and death of a parent and my awesome's safe to say i can give myself a little break on that one and accept that in a nut shell it WAS  a pretty shitty period for me. Awesome to have Mannix and watch him thrive but shitty for my emotional state.

I've been getting glimpses of  how I felt when I was living in Florida. I feel Florida was a prime time in my life. New marriage, great work, good friends, just an all around great time in my life. And that feeling, which I didn't fully have in Germany because of culture shock, seems to be coming back. I still have some bad days but I feel like sometimes things are getting better deep down.

I read the book 'The Gifts of Imperfection' and I recommend it. I Plan to read it again soon. It's not a fix all book. It's more a book of enlightening you about things about yourself and the way you view yourself. I started her 2nd book Daring Greatly as well but that one's proving to be a little slower read, harder to get into, and watched her 2 ted talks. Brene Brown is the author. In her books and talks she shares many of her personal stories so if you don't like authors first hand experiences then you may not like the book. I did! Because it helped me to relate a lot. She's honest about her experiences which I think is what helps draw her crowd.

Robs deployed. We're almost 1 month down. Yea it happened. We knew it was just a matter of time for him to finally get pulled in for that. Unfortunately, it was a short notice fill in so we only had a short period of time to mentally prepare for it. I just keep myself busy and try not to think about him being in a hostile area. We get to talk to him everyday so far. Video chats as well. Mannix is tolerating it but i'm noticing some occasional anger outbursts that I can't tell are from the awesome 3's or from daddy being gone. If your military with kids I highly recommend Daddy Dolls. Such an awesome thing for kiddo's to help them with a parent or family member gone. Mannix loves his. When we video chat with Rob he makes Rob kiss it and talk to it too lol it's so funny.

I started yoga. With Rob gone I needed something to give me a break from Mannix. I found a friend that was willing to watch Mannix for an hour once a week so I can attend the free yoga class on base. I also found out we get temporary free membership at the Ymca so I might do that too because it's got free child care and I could take a class and help me lose some weight lol. I haven't had the ambition for running or biking since Rob left and being in classes I think will help combat that.

Other than that life is still going on as usual. I'm enjoying our new house. It's nice not panicking about gas leaks. And I have some cool neighbors. And our backyard is awesome. The street also ins't riddled with speeders so Mannix has more freedom to play out front and there's kids here. He plays with the neighbors kids whenever they are out and willing to play with him.

Thats about it right now. Here's to a slow but hopeful change within myself.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Shephards Pie vegetarian style

From The Vegetarian Mothers Cookbook

1 TBSP Olive Oil
1 Onion, Diced
2 Cloves garlic, minced
2 Carrots, diced
2 Cups Cabbage, broccoli, or Kale, finly chopped (i used broccoli this time)
1/2 Cup water, vegetable stock, or Lentil cooking water (I used water but next time I may use veg stock)
2 Cups cooked lentils
1 cup peas (fresh or frozen)
1 cup corn (fresh or frozen)
1 tbsp soy sauce

4 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed
1/3 to 1/2 Cup milk (dairy or non-dairy)
1 table spoon miso ( i don't have miso so I just put a hint of soy sauce in)

Preahead oven to 400 F. Head oil in a large skillet over medium-low heat. Add onion and saute 5 minutes until soft. Stir in garlic, carrots, and cabbage, broccoli or kale. Add water and cover pan. Cook 10 minutes, o runtil filling is hot. Pour filling into 2 quart casserole dish.

While filling cookes, prepare mashed potato crust. Place potatoes in medium pan with water just upto top of potatoes. Bring to a boil and cook over medium heat until potatoes are tender (about 15 minutes). Drain potatoes and treturn them to the pot. Add miso. Begin mashing while adding milk a little at a time until potatoes are smooth. Stir in minced parsley. Spread potatoes evenly over filling. Sprinkle evenly with paprika. Bake uncovered 20 to 30 minutes until potatoes and filling are hot and edges are slightly golden.

Makes 6 servings.

Ok my methods... I used baby carrots since thats what I had on hand. I diced them up. It doesn't mention adding the soy sauce anywhere so I added it once all the veggies were mixed up. Also once the veggies were done cooking I took them off the heat and mixed in the lentils before putting them in the dishes. I added a thick layer of cheese ontop of the veggie mix for Rob portion before putting the potatoes on. I also realized after I started mashing that I had Almond Milk with vanilla flavoring. Oops. Guess I should just start buying the plain incase this happens again. You don't notice it that much as it's the no sugar added version but there is a slight hint of vanilla in the potatoes lol. I didn't tell Rob and he never said anything so obviously it didn't taste bad and Shephards pie is one of his favorite dishes.

I have yet to try it myself. I wasn't hungry by the time I finished it. Rob however, ate every bite of his.

Buster just started pouting at the front door. He is anticipating Rob coming home so I opened the door to show him Rob wasn't there, since he's coming home super late today. Then my nieghbor was coming to his car and turned the alarm off so the lights blinked. I laughed and told him I think my dog thought he was Rob because of the blinking lights. He just half smiled and looked at me like I was crazy. I used to work the dude 2 years ago at the BX so really I don't care what the dude thinks lol. Maybe I am crazy with the way I care for my animals but Buster is a unique breed of dog. That is all I will say lol.

Soooooo I've been craving Chicken lately.  Not fried or greasy chicken. Just simple oven baked chicken. I am wondering if i'm not getting enough protien. I will hold out a little bit longer by trying some protien packed veggie dishes (starting with the shephards pie) but if it doesn't subside then I will do what my body is asking and eat a little bit of chicken. (like half a breast lol....and not the Tyson shit which is like 10x larger than necessary for a chicken breast!).

Rob has already informed me that he plans to incorporate meat back into his diet on occasion. I thought about it for a while as to if I was willing to go back to meat. Red meat doesn't seem to strike my fancy anymore (he was never a big red meat fan anyways) but I think I am willing to do eat fish and chicken with him. I mean I went vegetarian for him lol. He said he wanted to go vegetarian just to get used to eating lots more vegetables and grains. I was a little crushed to hear that he had plans to eventually eat some meat again because i've gotten so absorbed in this vegetarian thing. I'm thinking maybe it's a little of a control thing for me, it's easy to control my eating habits when I can't control other things. Rob's belief is that human body is ment to take in some meat. It is packed with good protiens afterall. But  he thinks the moderations people eat nowadays is way beyond what is necessary. Which I definately I agree. A little at dinner (like the size of a small apple) is alright but to eat it for every single meal...sausage for breakfast, loaded meat sandwich for lunch and then a hunk of steak at dinner is alot. So probably within the next year we'll be changing to Flexitarian. Which isn't bad because i've given thought to it and decided I would eat meat in pregnancy afterall. Being busy people its hard to make nutritious meals day in and day out and to be sure i'm getting proper protien and iron I would eat some meat.

Baby talk corner

Month one officialy down a couple days early. No baby in this neck of the woods. AF came. This would explain my insane moods last week lol. I am definately not moody anymore which is a relief to both Rob and I! Ok so yes I am slightly crushed that it didnt' happen yet but at the same time I truly wasn't expecting anything to come of month one. I'm actually glad AF came. I kept hearing ppl say they went upto a year without it and I worried my body would take a while to readjust.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Things I won't miss about Germany

What we won't miss about Germany

1. Gloomy winters (Rob especially says he won't miss the crappy weather)
2. lack of Air Conditioning for the rare hot days
3. German's (lots of them) that don't believe in deodrant
4. tiny roads that are somehow supposed to fit 2 cars
5. Tiny parking spots where you have to see-saw to get in and out of
6. Twisty roads
7. The dollar to euro conversion rates
8. Nemesis dog, Paco.
9. All the carbs and sweets (ok so maybe I will miss them but I won't miss how fat they made me!)
10. Transformers
11. European style doors/handles/windows
12. Flies in summer
13. Wasps in fall
14. Language barriers
15. Distance to get places
16. Not being able to pull of to the side of any roads
17. Having to drive 10 miles down the road just to turn around on the autobahn when you miss your exit.
18. The german's running out of salt in the first few weeks of snow.

What we will miss about Germany

1. Green grass (usualy year round even in middle of snow)
2. Pretty view from our backyard
3. Woods right by our house (though I won't miss the ticks)
4. Mildly warm summers
5. Beautiful green landscapes during bike rides
6. Bike friendly communities
7. Yummy food!
8. Autobahns and how the German's use them properly (use left lane ONLY for passing).
9. Fresh brewed beers!
10. Alcohol free beer!
11. Castles
12. My awesome co-workers
13. The biking.
14. The fresh air
15. Nicer, not full of pothole, roads.
16. Highway (autobahn) rest stops! Some of them were pretty convenient.
17. The Bavarian Alps!

Well i'm sure the lists could go on and on. I guess it's 50/50 on likes and dislikes. If I ever get the chance to visit Germany again would I? Probably not. I've had my fill of the european experience. I can at least say i've visited a few countries in Europe and got to experience Oktoberfest, Christmas Markets and Castles. Do I feel bad for never going to a Fasching party or Pig Fest? No. I'm not big into the party things so I don't feel i've missed out on much. The hubs and I are just more-so the kind of explorers that like to do things more local. Planning trips and traveling does not bring out the best in me, I get way to easily flustered and panicy that I don't always enjoy myself.

We are down to 2 months (i'm not counting December anymore, it's half over lol).

What I am currently dreaming about....

Experiencing a desert for the first time and all the blue sunny days and flat roads for biking :D Blue skies make me one optimistic lady!! While Germany's gloomy skies make me one depressed woman ..

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

lap of luxury

My luxury being a fresh new pair of Flannel Sheets for the bed in Monkey print!!

Bummer. I was gonna show a link to the set but it looks like I got them in just enough time before Kohls pulled it from there selections. Oh well. Aha found a photo

Well today is my first day riding to work again in the last almost 2 weeks. Cross you fingers that it's not as windy and rainy as it has been. I STILL have yet to change my tires out lol. I definately need to before the weekend as snow/rain is due.

Buster had his follow up and the vet told me to keep him on the medicine he's on until we get to the states where he can be seen by a vet there. She said this after I mentioned my concern for us flying home soon and my worries about pressure in the ears if it is something inner ear. She did another look in the ears but insists there's nothing wrong. What can I say? Am I being way to obsessive about this? I will probably make an appointment with the base vet just to get a second opinion that everything is ok in there. The german vet seems to think he had some 'clogged' veins to the inner ears. She seems to think this is somewhat common though i've never heard of it before. Time to start doing my research on that one....

I'm a little more chill. I had a beer before bed last night and it seems some stresses melted away a bit. Then again it's morning and the husband hasn't come home from work yet to tell me the latest shit fiasco he encountered during work over the night. He's no longer happy here.

Friday, December 9, 2011

German's version of vegetarian

I was checking a guy out today (his item's not the dude himself) when i noticed a german vegetarian patty package zip through my hands. I was thrown off. We started carrying german vegetarian dishes?? Nope the guy put it on the belt on accident. A coworker had given it to him. it was infact from Rewe offbase.

So what did I do as soon as I got off work? Zipped over to Rewe in search of these amazing looking things and to cure my curiosity. However I ended up picking the wrong kind of veggie burger, not the one the guy had but same brand just different style. I'm sure the other kind would be better as it looked like a bean, onion, etc mix. Yum.

So I snagged these..

Not sure what to expect but my curiosity was digging at me. So I made a hodgepodge dinner tonight.

that thing with the fruit ontop is a cheese patty.

Overall take? Never again. The patties (which I bought 2 boxes of 4 unwisely) look like a patty of dog food. The taste...not that amazing. The bratwursts were so/so but after a few bites I couldn't eat anymore. I compare these tastes to those of the LighLife veggie hotdogs. Which I do not care for.

Needless to say nobody can compare to Morning Star and I won't be buying those anymore. Impulsive and curious. Not worth it.