Sunday, July 27, 2014

Big 2.0 Today

This day 2 years ago my son decided he wanted out 2 month's early. A midst the craziness of preterm labor and emergency c-section I do not recall the exact time he was born but it was the afternoon of July 27th 2012. He was 4lbs 6oz and he cried after being taken out, which I guess is rare for preemies. He spent about 7 weeks in the NICU before being strong enough to come home. Many ups and downs but he is now a healthy happy 2 year old. Happy Birthday Mannix!!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

24 July

I'm having a rotten week. On top of Bekks death, today I have a dental, errands to run with no money, and our power goes out soon for the entire day and it's a high of 106. Add to it Mannix has been the most frustrating kid allll week. My patience level is an all time low. He started popping his canines and he has been bitter, tantrumy and crying about everything 80% of the day. I want to chipper up because it's his birthday on sunday but Rob is also leaving in a few days for 2 months. It's a rotten fucking week.

Screw you today, universe. And I still fucking miss my cat epicaly

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

23 July

I'm trying to be a little more chipper today. Needless to say, however, i've already cried a little since waking up this morning. I don't know how long this will last but I hope this phase passes soon. I really miss my cat and bonding with her but I have 2 other pets and a kid that need my attention too. I played with Butters last night a bit and while she plays more than she used to years ago I can tell she's feeling the loss too. She lays on a rug in the dinning room most of the night vs sleeping on the couch like she used to with Bekk. They usually took opposite sides. I know it's just going to take time. But i'm still so so sad. Rob's been feeling it too lately and we both agree it's just harder on us all because it was so unexpected and she was otherwise a young healthy cat. We thought we had much longer with her antics.

In other news the hat is coming along. Today i'm going to put the edging on the white part and start working on the seperate pieces (eyes, wheels). I'm wondering if I made the orange part to long.

Tomorrow is an all day power outage to replace a couple power poles from the storm. Trying to think of what to do tomorrow and what to all eat so we don't open the fridge/freezer. I'm thinking of filling a cooler with ice in the early morning and making sandwiches to much on and some sort of cold pasta salad. Gonna suck becuse it's been in the 100's this week. 105 today. Wish they could have picked a cooler time of year to do this. 

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

sad panda

The house is definitely more quiet without her. I guess I didn't realize just how vocal she was with me and just how she was always there curious of what you were doing. Buster and Butters are usually pretty chill during the day but Bekk was always around saying 'whats up', asking for a quick pet and in the evenings wanting to play or cuddle.

I'm just trying to comfort myself by realizing we gave her a good life. She was happy and loved and you could tell by how much she wanted to be around me. It's still hitting me pretty hard, especially if I come across something of her's or thinking of how she'd be around during certain situations (whenever we walk into our bedroom she'd be laying on the corner of the bed or under the covers or poke out from under the bed. She'd always try to nosh the package of thawing meat that was for dinner, she'd lick the butter if I didn't have it covered. Lots of memories with that cat. You get so attached to them that it's hard to imagine them being gone.

I'm still angry and still wonder what happened to her. But reading online I was surprised to find that this isn't a rare thing to occur. Many young cats just randomly pass away at a young age. You just don't hear about it. They say they can occur from disease's we didn't know about, blood clots, or heart issues. I do remember the vets always mentioning how her heart rate was always super high during visits. Before we left Germany one of the nurses/doctors mentioned they were surprised she was ok with how fast her heart rate was going from anxiety of being at the vet office. So I wonder if she had a heart issue we didn't know about. It obviously never concerned the doctors though because they never read into it.

Butter's seems lonely. She keeps smelling for fresh scents of Bekk and has been wanting more attention and cuddle time. She keeps waiting for Bekk to come around a corner and pounce on her. They got to be good friends. I hope Butters will still be as she was but without a playmate now i'm not so sure. I'll try to play with her but she got most into it when it was Bekk rough housing with her.

Monday, July 21, 2014

I have no words

Right after submitting my last post earlier today I headed to the bedroom to hang out with Mannix and Rob in our bed. As I walked to my side of the bed I felt a cat at my foot but she didn't move which Bekk would normally do because she's our jumpy kitty. I looked down and saw her laying there but it took me a second to fathom what I was looking at. She was just laying there not moving but she didn't look like she normally does. I said her name and no reaction so I got closer and here eye's were glazed over and half shut and her mouth was gapped open. When I went to nudge her she felt sort of stiff but was still warm. It had happened recently.

I told Rob I think she's dead, in pure shock. It took him a second to understand what I just said. He came over to look and confirmed it. I'm still so confused because she was just going to be 5yrs old. She's never had any health issues that we could tell. She was a hairball queen but I couldn't see that being a pure cause of death. I called the vet and they said they'd take care of her remains. When I got there, just to make it sink it and real, I asked them to confirm she was passed because deep down I hoped maybe she was just in some sort of coma that could be fixed. But he confirmed it. 

We don't know what happened but according to the doc and things i'm reading, the leading cause for unexpected sudden death in young cats is some sort of heart disease or condition. Most often they are undetectable and hereditary to the cats family. So that adds a little reassurance that she wasn't sick and I just missed something in her behavior. I just saw her this morning hanging out on the kitchen table. She seemed perfectly fine. 

But now the grieving comes and i'll feel it the most when the evenings come and Mannix has gone to bed. She was a skiddish cat and while she came out during the day she was often hiding and avoiding Mannix. At night she would crawl on my back, kneading me and eventually laying down there for a while. Or she would just come by for a petting and rubbing but it was a nightly ritual so it's going to be rough not having that anymore. I'm so crushed to have lost another thing I love. 

21 July

Nothing much going on here as usual. I ended up twisting my ankle while doing yard work so I haven't run the last 2 days. Still not doing the 30 day shred. I figure i'll start that once Rob leaves. Reading over it too I guess you do each level for 10 days (or as long as you feel is needed) and that's 10 days broken up. Fit in rest days. So I may not fit in all of the days before he gets back but this isn't fully just to get fabulous for the Mister. Fitness is a gradual thing and a month is pretty short in the grand scheme of it all. But i'm hoping to see some changes by the time he gets back at least.

I finished one of my knit blankets finally. I'm giving it to Mannix's 'Twin' for her birthday.

I also started a hat for another kiddo in the group but his birthday isn't until September. He's obsessed with Disneys' Planes. This is what i'm aiming to make..It's a paid pattern on Ravelry.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Woah Storm!

Yes. We encountered a pretty epic storm this past Sunday. Originally we didn't think much of it. I let Mannix spectate from the front door until things started picking up a bit. Then the wind got heavier..and heavier and...heavier. Then a microburst hit right when we were running around unplugging important electronics. The power flickered on and off a few times before finally cutting out. We ran around closing bedroom doors and huddled in our hallway once we saw from our patio door just how strong the winds were. Needless to say we were pretty freaked out. We didn't remember monsoons being that strong before. It reminded us of a hurricane.

Well once things calmed downed a bit we assessed the situation. Our trash cans somehow blew from a nitch in our back patio to down the street. A big tree went down a cross the street, a big branch from the neighbors house nearly missed our house and ended up in our front yard. The roof on our patio started coming off. Overall, there was a ton of damage wherever the storm hit. Power lines went down all around tucson. We had one down by us and we didn't get power till the next morning (storm hit around 6pm). Roofs all over old housing turned up damaged. Some minor, some severe. I guess everyone's large trampolines ended up all over base and folks were posting their pictures on a base sale page to lighten things up a little. Scary part of those pics was one showed a metal pole through a cinderblcok wall. Off-base some houses lost chunks of their roofs and some actually caved in.

The winds peaked at about 66mph on base. For this area that is not normal I guess. The winds were so strong they flipped a jet in our bone yard.

I don't think anyone was injured but it was a horrible storm with lots of damage. I hope we experience nothing like that the rest of our time here.

In workout news, I'm on my 3rd day of no exercise lol. Well sunday was an obvious no-go, yesterday I wasn't feeling doing anything after no power all night/morning and all that jazz. I told hubs I wasn't even doing dinner. Today..well It just slipped my mind because i'm not used to making working out a part of my daily routine so i'm still trying to find my nitch as to when it's best to squeeze it in my day. It seems mornings will probably be my time because by the afternoon i'm busy with dinner and run out of energy for much else. I'm debating fitting in a run tonight but i'm waiting till it feels like my dinner won't come back up if I go lol. I know once Mannix is in bed I won't want to do anything but read or crochet and crash. Though I may consider running right before we eat if Mannix can hold out for a lter dinner otherwise I may let him eat and eat after we get back from the run but I like the bonding of eating dinner together so that's an iffy idea. I really want to make this work in my days but overcoming the excuses and laziness is a bit of a hurdle initially.

In other news, I saw a friend a recipe from I need to add this to my go-to sites for when my planned meals are done, usually a day or 2 before i actually make it grocery shopping lol.