Thursday, July 10, 2014

10 July

Little guy turns 2 the end of the month. I can't believe time has gone that fast already. Of course, the first year was epic in to many area's of my life so that made time fly even faster. 2 years old. He's communicating via words more and more every week. He has a big personality. He's got a natural happiness and gentleness about him (not counting the occasional toddler scream or floor throw or hitting). He loves his pets. He enjoy's walks in the stroller. He's obsessed with Yo Gabba Gabba and Super Mario Bro. He doesn't care for playground equipment and would much rather just roam around exploring. He's a brave little guy trying to jump on his own into the deep of the pool while mommy chases, horrified (always has floaties of course). 

We aren't doing a party. Just the 3 of us. I'm not a party person. My family wasn't really either. I think I had one official birthday party as a child where some classmates came but they weren't all close friends or anything so I think I sort of went with it because my Mom thought she was doing something nice for me (sshh don't tell her).  I figure we have plenty of years ahead once he starts school and makes more friends, if he wants a party. I guess i'm like Rob in that manner, wanting a more one on one family approach lol 

I will be making him a cake though. I couldn't decide on what character or theme I wanted for it but after weeks of debating I have decided he's always liked Yo Gabba Gabba the best. (screw the parents that are anti-character's, we only live once). I am aiming for a cake like this but with these toys instead

I snagged some decor (non gabba gabba) at the BX a while back on clearance so that's the most i'm doing for decor. I may try to find a balloon or something but my dog would go nuts and just try to destroy it's existance. I can't wait for his little birthday!

Well since Rob made rank (not sure of when he's actually sewing on yet) he needs to attend another round of schooling. That means he'll be gone for almost 2 months. We found out earlier in the week that it's happening very soon already! Thankfully he'll be here for Mannix's birthday at least. He was TDY for his birthday last year :(

I found myself long would it take for me to lose weight and for it be obvious, to him at least that i'm a little more noticeably in shape? It usually takes 2-3 months before other's notice much physical change in a person that's been exercising. But I think someone your with 24/7 may notice even sooner. So That is one of my goals while he's gone, to lose a little weight and start getting toned up. Of course, this has to be a lifestyle goal more than just to get all sexy for the husband otherwise the fitness and weight loss won't last. I blame my frump and weight gain the last year on becoming stay at home and getting lazy and eating away my saddness about my dad. And for my knitting/crochet hobby because I sit still for hours just needling away lol Eitherway, I need to start now if I hope to have some sort of physical appearance change before he gets back.  A bike ride here or a jog there isn't enough. Time to start being more consistant.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

8 July

The fourth went pretty well. Mannix freaked out the first half of the fireworks but thankfully we get to enjoy them from the comfort of our house. We can see most of them on base from our back patio or just sitting on our couch looking out the patio door. Mannix ran in and out and we realized being inside comforted him a lot so by the end of the show he was cool with watching them. Hopefully next year will go more smoothly and the year after we can get closer to them. 

Not to much new here. 2 of our friends came to visit over the weekend. They are stationed over in NM so it was just a day drive for them. I miss having good family friends around. This base, despite having my nicu crew, has felt very isolating. I do hang out with my friends here and there but being so far apart driving wise on top of their full time jobs we rarely see each other and have to plan a meet up every month or 2 just to talk face to face and let the kids play together. The other friend who is also  SAHM is usually always available but I sort of get a sense she's just hanging out so her son can socialize. She doesn't bring much to our conversations and I always feel like i'm the only one talking the entire time and it gets uncomfortable and boring. And because I run out of things to bring up I feel like she thinks i'm nuts for some of the topics I throw out there. Especially when she doesn't really respond them.

I guess at some point in the next year Rob will be gone for almost 2 months. Another round of schooling for the new rank. I didn't even consider that and now i'm bummed lol I hope it's a down time for my friends at work so they can keep us company. If only my mom could afford things she could come out for that time range but we can't afford to get her out here. 

I've been taking a break from FB again. Not 100% but enough that i'm realizing it's more than just it taking up all my freetime and time from kiddo. I'm realizing how it's starting to make me feel inadequate. All my friends post the perfect parts of their lives (all the expensive trips they take, only the times their kids actually cooperate or do cool things) it starts to make me feel like somethings lacking my life. Or if someone's kid of the same age is doing something awesome and Mannix hasn't gotten there yet I start feel like i'm doing something wrong or not teaching him properly so then I feel like an inadequate mother. I then start resenting those friends and their 'perfect parenting, successful children and succesful lives'. Total BS right? Because nobodies life is that perfect yet we glorify our perfect moments in hopes to hide things we don't care for or area's we don't feel so great in/at. 

So I realized I needed out. I needed a break from being bombarded by everybodies daily posted lives. It was annoying me and I hated how I felt everytime I went on. So I spend that time hanging out more Mannix or reading books. And so far, I'm really enjoying it. I'm sick of being totally connected to my friends. I'd much rather having actuall get togethers. Face to Face where life seems more realistic. 

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

July 02

I'm quite content with giving up the idea of a csa right now. Not sure if my friends bummed or not. She says she's not. I'm sure she's sort of in the same boat with the idea of creating meals solely on what we get. She, as well, follows a set meal plan I believe.

I read, or mostly read, this book. It's outrageously costly so I rented it on my kindle for $6 but I think my rental might be up so I didn't get to finish it completely but the chapters I did get through were very helpful. At least in helping me accept the things i'm feeling with the loss of my dad are normal. Sometimes other people don't understand what grieving can be like, especially of a parent, and that it isn't just temporary and we don't all get over it at some point. It stays around forever. Rob thinks I should be accepting things already when I have a day that i'm really bummed.  I have accepted it that he isn't coming back but that doesn't mean I don't miss him tremendously and occasionally have days where I really feel that. The book says to be open about your feelings but that is hard when other's can't relate or don't understand it. I'm starting to reflect more on good memories of him rather than the depressing times leading up to his death so those make the down days better.

At the moment I'm reading this one Pretty insightful so far. It's based off the Waldorf teaching style but teaching style aside it's a good book so far. In a nutshell, stop aiming to be the pinterest perfect mom that teaches her kids a gazillion things before they are 3. We're overloading kids with to much info these days and not allowing them to just Be.

I've been suddenly in a reading mood and i'm debating taking a little break from knitting/crochet blankets. I have 6 months left to get them done by christmas and i'm hoping I can get there but i'm getting a tad burned out and need a break. As for reading i'm having a hard time finding a good novel to get into. Everything I start ends up boring me. When i'm done with the above book i'll be looking for a good novel.

I started running. Sort of. Yesterday was the first day so I can't say if i'm going to keep at it or not lol. I ended up just going to the Gym on the treadmill. I don't think treadmills are as effective but it's just to damn hot out when I finally get the urge to run in the day. My legs are killing me today even though I only did 30 minutes (limited time during certain peak hours so active duty get priority). I have also started doing pushups and situps/crunches/jumping jacks randomly throughout the day. I've been to immobile aside from going for walks and the more sedentary life style is causing my weight gain. I'm hoping to catch it before it gets out of control.

I'm still thinning out the house. Doing a little here and a little there is beginning to show good progress. I have gotten rid of a ton of my rubbermaid storage bins. I realized instead of thinning out throughout the years I just threw everything in bins as a way to contain it. When it would have been much easier to just go through it and get rid of stuff. Having the space and less clutter is nice.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

29 June

Life at the moment?

My kid woke up at 4:00am.
There was an earthquake on the NM/AZ border last night and some felt it in part of the city.
I feel like a gazzillion pounds and my clothes don't fit.
I dont' think I want to do a CSA anymore because the idea of creating meals from what i get sounds daunting.
I made more progress
Rob passed his test and is sewing on higher rank next month. 
We are getting a new car this winter/spring.
Mannix got to try out a public pool for the first time last week and ended up sleeping from 5pm-6am from all the sun and water play. 

Monday, June 16, 2014

16 June

Well needless to say I still get low days. This weekend wasn't the greatest. In a nutshell there is stress lingering around here for unmentionable reasons at the moment. Waiting for it to pass. I got in sort of a self-pity fest Saturday evening.

In better news, I convinced a friend to split a 6 week CSA share with me. She'll be out of town the first 3 weeks so i'll be getting those and then she'll take the other 3 weeks. I wanted to try it out without a lengthy subscription in case it just doesn't work for our family to have our meals driven by food availability vs recipe driven. And i'm sure she's thinking the same. So this will give us both a chance to see what our local csa has to offer. I'm excited to try it out and i'm going to work hard to achieving recipes with stuff I have on hand and try not to supplement to much. I guess they have recipe's they hand out to help guide you with the specific produce you get each week and their site also has recipes.

If all goes well with the trial run I told Rob we'll be signing up to do it regularly as long as funds allow. It's $120 for every 6 weeks. Which is probably what I spend on produce now anyways. The only downside is I have to choose 1 specific day of the week to pick it up. So if something happens and I can't make it I lose out on that week's worth and my share gets donated. So I guess I need to be sure I can get our car for that. I'd bike there but that's a bit of a ride to lug kiddo along (only 8 miles one way but he can barely last 15 mins in the trailer) and the last half of it is all traffic.

In other news, it was an exciting weekend for kiddo. I got the random idea to turn part of his closet into a hide out space. I had cleaned out his closet and had half of it completely empty. So I made him a hang out. The stars and planets are glow in the dark and I put a push light for him to use when he closes it. He loves it in there. Doesn't actually hang out but rather goes in and out and in and out lol.

We also gave baking a try. He had fun helping me add the ingredients to the mixer. However, he lost interest when it came to scooping them on the cookie sheet. Can't expect awesome attention spans from toddler lol. I try to explain to him while they were baking and when they were done that he made them. Not sure he truly understood that yet but these are tasty! Oatmeal Raisin recipe on the lid of the Quaker old fashioned oats container. 

Today I am going to our used book store in hopes to find some books on Montessori for preschoolers. Better late than never when starting a teaching method right? We'll see if it's something I can implement into our daily life. Basically i'd be using it for guidance. 

Saturday, June 14, 2014

I am such an ungrateful person. Self centered, inconsiderate and unthoughtful. I so don't rock. Way to be positive, heh?

Friday, June 6, 2014

06 June

It's time to get back on my old wagon and start Clean and Vegetarian eating again. Ahh the lovely phases of cooking I go through. It's getting hot as heck here and it's changing my mindset on the dinners I make. Also, Rob kick started the thoughts of eating fresher again. At first I was angry that he wanted to change eating again. He mentioned his meal plan and I went nuts. I hate that thing for some god forsaken reason. So I think it's time to create a new binder of recipes for when I get on a healthy kick of eating. Not that what I cooked the last few months wasn't healthy but it sort of was on the lower end of healthy eating lol.

So back to Clean eating again. Time to eat fresher again and hey maybe i'll see a little bit of weight loss there too, though I think my issue is portion control and cutting back on my snacking a bit..maybe.

I want to aim to add more pictures to my blog so I'll try to remember to pull out the camera here and there for a dose of my life in pictures. I lost the battery charger for my good camera and i'm a bit bummed about that. I may have to order a new one.

I'll share a list of Clean Eating recipes I find when I start making up that binder. Gotta order the tabs and what not first.

As for the coffee cut-off journey...bahaha that was an epic fail! I'm american. My life depends on coffee. But I have slashed the amount I drink, greatly. And so far it seems to be helping. I try to drink lots more water, needed anyways being in the desert. But I drink a quarter of what I drank before. I still get the wake-up boost but I don't get all crazy moody from it. Changing the cups I drink from helped. I stopped using the epic awesome large cups we have and pulled out the classic coffee mug size one's.

Today's adventure with kiddo...the mall. I rarely go there as i've been on a roll of thrift store shopping and trying to be minimalist but in my journey for happiness I need to cut back on being cheap a little. So i'm going to splurge with money we don't really have to hit up Bath and Body since i've shopped in there. I need some body sprays and body wash. A little aromatherapy to do the trick! And I'm going to hit up Kohls and snag an outfit or 1 for Kiddo. Jumping Bean carries some cute outfits!