Taken away

How do you move on from this point? I got the phone call from my brother really early this morning. My dad passed away in the night. He was going to turn 60 this spring.

Right now i'm a mixture of numbness and anger and frustration and pain. I couldn't breath after my brother got off the phone with me. That first breath was hard to take in. Even though you anticipate the inevitable you still are not prepared for it.

I had a very scary dream around the time he passed away. At that time I had no idea but something deep down told me that dream was a sign for something. And me i'm not necessarily one for signs. I was just falling asleep for the night and that inbetween state dreaming. In the dream I was laying how I was in bed but everything was getting dark around me and somebody grabbed a hold of my whole body in the position I was and was pulling me backwards (almost like a falling sensation). I could tell I was dreaming and I kept thinking 'no, let me go' and I kept trying to make myself wake up. After a few seconds I finally woke up. I didn't get the call till about 4am but my dad passed away around the time I was falling asleep. I remember telling myself when I started to doze back off that I wondered if that was him passing away. So of course when I woke up and checked my phone and realized I missed a call from my brother my heart dropped.

I can't describe how much I miss my dad right now. I don't want to be experiencing this. Rest In Peace Dad April 03, 1953 - January 15, 2013